One of the most frequent questions I ask my wife and son is
“Are you happy?” It is a basic component of life, and if I get an affirmative
answer then I feel like I’m doing something right. Creating a happy environment
is a driving factor for me, at home and work.
At home, the phrase “Happy wife – happy life” pretty well
sums it up. In my case, it helps if my son is happy as well. At work, I always
strive to have a productive organization. Having people happy at their job
tends to raise the level of productivity.
I simply cannot over emphasize the importance of happiness.
Even our founding fathers here in the United States recognized this. The
pursuit of happiness was considered an “unalienable right” in the Declaration
of Independence, meaning that it had been given to all human beings by our
Creator, and that governments were created to protect. Some 240+ years later,
this hasn’t changed, though I think some believe that happiness should be
created by the government for them, rather than the government helping to
protect the individual’s opportunity to find happiness on their own.
I recently heard an interview on the radio with someone with
the Secret Society of Happy People. Yes, there is a society, or at least a
website. They discussed the keys to happiness, and it got me to thinking about
my own personal happiness, and what I was doing to positively impact it.
Stress is a natural component of work and opponent of
happiness. I would live in a fantasy world if I thought my job and my life
could be stress free. Frankly, how boring would that be? So clearly happiness
and stress have to peacefully co-exist in my life.
I certainly don’t want to be overwhelmed with stress, but a
healthy dose of it keeps me sharp. And it keeps me motivated to find better
solutions, and happiness. I find myself in a period like that currently. There
is definitely some stress in my life, but I’m trying to use it as a motivator.
Problems I face just prove that I need to be better at what I’m doing; coping
with that stress and finding happiness.
The people at the Secret Society of Happy People (https://soph.com) believes that there are at least
31 types of happiness. Happiness is all around us, and it is up to us as
individuals to recognize. That is all well and good, but I’ve experienced some
situations lately where the individuals involved are struggling to find
anything that they can consider even close to happiness. The stress in their
life is so strong, so overwhelming that it clouds their life. It has sucked me
in a few times as well, I must admit.
I stumbled on a book written by Sheryl Sandburg and Adam
Grant titled “Option B: Facing
Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy” and jumped in and started
reading. Because I figure I could use some help with new ways of dealing with
adversity, being stronger and more resilient, and enjoying the joyful moments
of life more. It didn’t take long to realize how insignificant my issues were
compared with Sandberg, as the book is an account of how she dealt with the
death of her her husband and raising her children as a single mother.
The book gave me perspective, which I greatly needed. I’m
only a third of the way through the book and it has yielded some great advice.
Sandberg and Grant write:
“We
plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events. After
spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin
Seligman found that the three P’s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization – the
belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness – the belief that an event will
affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence – the belief that the
aftershocks of the event will last forever.”
I have shared that with three different people just in the
past few days. Different people all dealing with different stresses in their
life, but yet that stress has common elements in all of us that we can combat.
When facing a stressful situation and problem, many times we find ourselves
shouldering the blame when in fact most of the time we are not. The darkness of
stress and the problems we face casts a dark shadow on all aspects of our life,
even if the problem is only a work problem. There might be 31 different types
of happiness, but if you’re dealing with a lot of stress it might be nearly
impossible to see anything except the problems. And it truly feels like it will
last forever. And ever.
Working within the parameters of the three P’s helps me deal
with acute stress. It provides me a process that I can follow, and achieve
favorable results. Finding happiness, especially at work, generally comes back
to good communication and rewarding teamwork as you work towards a common goal.
Notice I didn’t say success. Success is an added bonus, but happiness at work
should occur even if you’ve not quite achieved success if you’ve developed the
right culture.
Finding that peace of mind of happiness and satisfaction is
proving to be a bigger struggle for people. New examples present themselves
seemingly daily. It is somewhat comforting, knowing that people I view as super
strong as just as vulnerable, struggling with the same demons.
A colleague / friend of mine turned in her notice at work
recently.Her notice spelled out why she was leaving. It wasn’t money, though
she’d like to make more. It wasn’t her boss. It wasn’t that she didn’t see
value in her work. She needed a better work – life balance. She needed less stress,
and more happiness.
I took her to lunch to celebrate her new beginning, and we
discussed things. Passionately, she talked about the desire to find “that one
thing” that we’ve all been put on this earth to do. Ultimately, it might not be
just one big thing, but in fact a series of smaller things which add up to that
big thing. I think that knowing what that one thing we’re here on earth for
would be very powerful. Reality is, we’re likely to never know that. But the
simple realization that you are here for one thing, or likely a series of
things is just as powerful. It brings clarity to your life, and purpose.
She talked about a Ted Talk she recently watched which
brought things into focus for her on this subject. It seemed to fit in with
this rambling post I’ve been working on for the past three weeks. It is worth
the view. http://t.ted.com/cYf1Cf3
We all need clarity of purpose to help us manage our life.
I’ve read more than once that at work, you need a work best friend to help you
cope there too. My work best friend doesn’t work at the same location as me,
but in the same industry. The issues I face are similar to what she faces. We
offer each other moral support and therapy nearly every morning on our way into
our respective offices two hours away from each other.
My work buddy has been bestowing on me the teachings of Pope
Francis. She’s not trying to convert me to become a Catholic, though I think a
strong religious faith in an important part of finding happiness and less
stress in your life. For the Lent season this year, Pope Francis sent out a
list of suggestions.
Having a good friend at work automatically reduces stress,
as you can work together on problems and share the burden of tough situations.
But having a friend that brings solid teachings and advice like this is even
better.
I graduated high school 33 years ago this June. I went to
college right after high school, and then finished my degree a few years ago.
But school has never really ended. My father was a life-long learner, and he
most definitely passed that along to me. So I’m working on finding that
work-life balance, taking the words from the Pope seriously, trying to reduce
my stress and continue my pursuit of happiness.
There is a song out right now that reminds me of this quest
every time I hear it. It reminds me that I’m not perfect, but I continue to
work on being a better me.
