A limitless amount of patience; key to relationships and life

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My 30^th wedding anniversary is quickly approaching. Just typing that is seemingly unbelievable. Unbelievable in that it doesn’t seem possible to be that old, and unbelievable that someone has tolerated me for that long! I’m not sure which is more improbable.

Ruth has more patience that any person I know, to put up with me and my son. I’m lucky beyond words when I look backwards and forward with the life we have built. Ruth and I struck up a conversation with a waitress recently. We were discussing marriage and relationship. She said that they key to marriage was “a limitless amount of patience.” It was as if she knew me!

Long time editor of The News-Sentinel in Fort Wayne, Indiana and friend Kerry Hubartt touched on the depth of marital relationships in a column he wrote while I was leading that newspaper. Kerry’s commentary on the death of his 97 year old father only days before, and his relationship with his wife as they approach their 50^th wedding anniversary has stayed with me.

My wife has never wanted to think about losing me, much less talk about it. But she’s the one who brought it up late one night as we were lying down to sleep after a day of making the final plans for Dad’s funeral.

“I just can’t imagine losing you,” she said. “But it’s going to happen to one of us someday.”

“I know,” I whispered, punctuating the reply with a heavy sigh. And we held hands softly as we tried to put that thought out of our minds, and we drifted off to sleep.

When you get older, I suppose it is only natural to think of dying. I never had the opportunity to speak with my parents about it,  but it seems only normal that they had the same thoughts. Laying in bed next to my wife, thinking about a future where death is an increasing factor is just a reality of being 50+. So is attending services at the local funeral home, consoling friends and family who have had a loved one pass. And so it goes again this weekend, as I make plans for a funeral instead of something much happier.

Both my parents and one sibling have passed. I certainly miss them all, especially surrounding special holidays or events. In fact, today would have been my father’s 87^th birthday. But those emotions are nothing compared to the thought of losing a spouse. I’m typically not the person that dwells on this type of subject. I’m not in denial, but I’d rather focus on living. To quote Jimmy Buffett, “I’d rather die while I’m living then live while I’m dead.”

What started this line of thought is a new Netflix original called Dead To Me. I won’t spoil the plot line’s ending, but simply say that the show is set up as two women that are struggling through grief and the death of a husband. The show has its normal storytelling twists to keep you interested and entertained, but it also shows the grieving process and just how damn difficult it is to lose someone close to you.

I can only image but it is those little moments like Kerry described that I think I would miss the most if my spouse would go first. I’ve witnessed this first hand with friends and family who have been in similar situations, a situation that if you have a relationship you or your partner eventually experience too.

It is good to have options. I cannot recommend enough the book Option B:  Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy. I purchased this book to help with overcoming stress and adversity in my life, not realizing it was a book written by and for people that have lost family members. It worked for me and my stress, and I think it can help you too.

I have many friends and family members that struggle with the grief and depression that comes with losing someone close. That pain is real, and no should minimize it; and I’m certainly not doing it here. But that book, a counselor at church or friends down the street — someone, somewhere can help you. As the Option B book points out, Sandberg and Grant write:

“We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that the three P’s can stunt recovery: (1) personalization – the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence – the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever.”

I think the waitress was right, about marriage and how we treat ourselves. Dealing with grief and the loss of a loved one means you have to have limitless amounts of patience for yourself too.

Saying goodbye to another closing newspaper

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I received word that a friend of mine passed away this week. We weren’t as close as we were 15 years ago, but that happens. Life happens — you get busy, you move on and before you know it you’ve drifted apart. Looking back now though, I have to smile about the relationship me and this friend had.

Passion. I was filled with passion when I hung around this friend. I still remember first time we met. It was at a bar, as a group of people gathered to wish a friend of mine good luck in her new job. Far from unhealthy, it was a great relationship that I cherish to this day. It was a relationship that has launched me to bigger and better things in my life. Rest In Peace, Hendricks County Flyer.

They say you always remember your first. The Flyer Group was my first post as publisher of a newspaper. At the time of my involvement, it was a twice a week publication that went to every household in Hendricks County, Indiana along with a once a week publication for the west side of Indianapolis. Community Newspapers Holdings Inc (CNHI) announced this week that they were stopping publication after over 50 years. But it was a powerful product, and produced revenue more than many daily newspapers at the time.

The Hendricks County Flyer isn’t the only paper that’s been shut down in recent months. Sadly, I fear this is going to be an all too common obituary playing out across this country. But it is sad in that the industry has changed, communities have changed and in this case not for better.  Other newspapers will look to fill in the gap and report on the city council, cover the upcoming graduation at the high schools. But covering a market as a secondary newspaper won’t provide the depth of the local newspaper. Stories won’t be told, memories won’t be made.

Remember when you or someone you know had their picture in the paper? You became an instant celebrity in your hometown if only for day. Actually longer, as the picture would be clipped and placed on your refrigerator for months.

In the case of the Hendricks County Flyer, I know of some of the heroics that were utilized to try and save the publication. Lost preprint and classifieds took away the cushion, and then slowly local businesses turned to other resources for advertising. Google and Facebook provided less expensive alternatives often times with more trackable results. And before you knew it, this newspaper and others just like it are forced to cut expenses; less money for circulation promos, fewer pages and less relevant content for consumers. Death by a thousand cuts ended this and many other publications.  And more to come.

Not that many years ago Warren Buffett was being called a savior for the newspaper industry. However even Buffett is saying now that the end is approaching. Me saying that most newspapers “are toast” might be interesting, but the guy that owns 30 newspapers saying that is an attention grabber. By his estimation only titles like the New York Times, Washington Post and Wall Street Journal have figured out how to cross the digital divide to stay viable.

What made newspapers successful and why I loved them so much was the local connection. There is very little in common between the business model for the Wall Street Journal and the Hendricks County Flyer. That local connection for content; advertising and editorial are the lifeblood of hometown newspapers. Pick up any newspaper today and count the number of display ads. Many days, you might be able to count them all on your fingers. Too often, you’ll see an entire section of a newspaper with no ads; often times it is the sports section.

Maybe the passing of this newspaper isn’t a big deal. After all, 1,400 other cities and towns across the country have experienced the same thing in the past 15 years, according to an Associated Press analysis of data compiled by the University of North Carolina. But it is for all the stories that won’t be told now, the picture not taken and published and the government not being watched over to make sure they are taking care of tax payer money properly.

Thank you Hendricks County Flyer for all you did for me and several friends of mine. You will be missed.

Bringing customer service back into focus for businesses

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The shuttle bus was cruising along from the long term parking lot towards the airport. Everyone was excited to get going on a vacation to Florida and warmer weather.

We had made the decision to park our cars at a nearby lot instead of on the airport property itself. It seemed like a no-brainer idea; slightly less expensive and the promise of great customer service. And in all fairness, the company delivered on both price and customer experience so I suspect I’ll use them again.

Looking back though, I still have to laugh about the drive to the airport. The bus driver had been given very specific talking points to help pass the time and to reemphasize the excellent customer service we were receiving. As he drove along you could almost see him checking off all the talking points he’s required to tell us.

1. Remind them where the shuttle will pick them up, and how frequently those shuttles arrive

2. Tell the guest about the website for the company and the customer loyalty program

3. Inform them about the free bottle of water that will await them on our return trip

As he was speeding towards the airport, he breaks from the script to tell us that there is a bad pothole that we are about to come upon, so be aware. He even did a mini-countdown to impact. At first I was pretty impressed with this guy and his devotion to the customer experience as I expected him to slow down and ease across the hole in the road. Oh no, not at all. We took it at full speed. And then moments later he informed us that we had another pothole ahead that was actually worse than the first. And again a countdown until impact. He was correct in his assessment as the entire bus shook as we crossed what felt like a hole to the center of the earth type pothole.

A couple of tooth-rattling potholes didn’t ruin my customer experience. But it did illustrate to me something that I think happens frequently in businesses when it comes to customer service and customer experiences. The employee had the training and clearly took it to heart. The driver felt, I’m sure, like he was the bright face for the company and its mission to be very customer friendly. And I would agree.

But companies, managers and employees don’t always show as much adaptability as they should when it comes to customer service. The driver was aware of the potholes and did a great job of informing us about them, yet did nothing to prevent the outcome which was all the customers being jolted with the impact of the bus hitting them.

Many businesses will preach their customer service system to employees as well as make sure its customers are aware of them. Walgreens used to print their philosophies on the back of their receipts. Every Hampton Inn still makes the 100% satisfaction guarantee sign hanging in every lobby. Yet with Walgreens, Hampton Inn and others I’ve had experiences that didn’t meet this philosophical goal. Often times the reason the resolution wasn’t complete is because of complacency by the front line employee or manager that backs them up. Like that pothole, the employees might see the problem coming but are doing very little to prevent it from being hit, or at least lessening the impact.

Customer service is a tough pillar to prop up in the business world today. Most people understand its value, but don’t have the staffing or the training time to implement it. The companies that are still making it a high priority are the ones that are gaining market share and increasing their profits more so than their competitors.

Perhaps no where is the struggle for customer service more on display than in the restaurant business. Liz Biro from the Indianapolis Star did an interesting article on the struggles for customer service in the industry in Central Indianahttps://www.indystar.com/story/entertainment/dining/2019/04/23/why-restaurant-customer-service-getting-worse-indianapolis/1224733002/. Low unemployment rates have allowed servers and staff at restaurants the opportunity to jump ship for more money, shorter commutes to work or better hours, which leaves the restaurant in a lurk and customers often times displeased. It only takes one bad experience for most people to leave a brand that they love. That is true in the restaurant business, and every other business for that matter.

The very best products and all of the marketing dollars in the world can’t fix a business that is consistently missing on customer service. As an employee or manager, if you see the pothole ahead, not only alert the customer but figure out a way around the hole.