The pursuit of purpose

http://www.petevanbaalen.com/single-post/2018/04/15/The-pursuit-of-purpose

Recently, I wrote about the pursuit of happiness. It was a quick glimpse into my personal journey through life lately, looking to find that magic bullet of bliss that comes from being truly happy. I wrote that post largely for therapeutic reasons. But then I quickly realized that what I felt resonated with many others, based on the feedback I received. Even while I was writing that, my brain was starting to tackle yet another tough life journey; trying to find one’s purpose in life. 

As wonderful as finding true happiness would be, and it would be wonderful, I believe finding your true purpose in life would be infinitely more powerful. To find the ultimate reason you’ve been placed on this earth, discoveringthe moment that you were meant to shine in, is beyond comprehension to me. Perhaps it is by design that you can’t wrap your head around that knowledge, and we are kept from it. The depth of emotion I believe that would come with such knowledge is beyond our ability to handle.

I can hear the readers of this now. I can hear you saying that I’m wrong. You absolutely know and understand why you were put on this earth and thus have a complete understanding of your special purpose in life. “I’m here for my kids.” “The work I do at my church.” “The charity I volunteer for.” Those are all greatand very worthwhile. I even believe those actions are a part of the fabric that makes up why were are here. Those actions are a part of who we are and the lives we lead,  but a special purpose goes deeper.

This is an interesting challenge; a puzzle. For me, it is like trying to break down the very largest structures of the world to sub-atomic particles. The challenge is to look at your life and try to determine that singular event, moment or engagement with someonethat made a difference; that made THEE difference. Your entire life was centered around that single moment. That is your special purpose, and that is why you were placed here on earth for that singular thing. Wouldn’t it be amazing to understand that, and recognize it when it happens?

I recently stumbled across a new TV series on PBS called “We’ll Meet Again”. Ann Curry is the host of this show that reconnects people who had brief encounters with individuals, from a few hours to a few days many years ago, that had a tremendous impact on a person. The show tells a story very well based on a historic event, bringing it down to that personal connection that I think we all yearn for.

The first episode I saw recounted lost connections from the Civil Rights Movement, telling the story of two individuals that crossed paths during the Freedom Summer, 1965. New York City native Fatima Cortez-Todd was so moved by the events she witnessed on her TV that she went south to help out 53 years ago. The episode tells of a relationship developed over a few weeks that summer; a relationship that was put away and forgotten for over 50 years. Yet the impact that then 17 year old Thelma Caulfied made on Fatima was deep and stirring, and stayed with Cortez-Todd through all the years.

The series is full of excellent storytelling, and a history lesson to boot. But what hit home so much for me as I watched that first episode was that at the time, Fatima and Thelma neither one realized the impact and life changing lessons that were being taught by each other. Their special purpose in life was playing out in front of their eyes, yet they had no clue. In fact, even after they contacting Thelma for the show, I’m confident she still didn’t know. It wasn’t until the reunion, when Fatima was able to tell her, and thank her for that that the true impact of their relationship was realized.

In the episode highlighting Fatima and Thelma, it was a series of shared experiences over an entire summer than made such a difference. Reality is, it can be one moment lasting only briefly. That was the case in the episode of “We’ll Meet Again” which featured Patrick Anderson.

Anderson was at the Marriott World Trade Center Hotel on September 11, 2001. Like so many people that day, Patrick fled ground zero on that horrific day, running to safety. He ended up at a school nearby but safely away, slumped over on the floor trying to make sense of the day’s event and what he had just witnessed. It just so happens that day was school picture day and Emily Maroney was there assisting the photographer when she came across Patrick sitting on the floor. In the midst of all that pain and hate on display, she turned to him and said “You look like you could use a hug.” A simple act, a simple hug to offer some comfort and let them know that there was still love in the world, and it helped Patrick start to make sense of it all.

The young executive and photographer’s assistant ended up spending a couple hours together, with Emily providing him a place to go temporarily to clean up and contact family. A totally random encounter of a few hours over 16 years ago that brought about lasting change in Patrick’s life. We all look back on that day and think of the senseless losses, but Patrick now looks back and sees compassion. He feels love. So much in fact that he had to find her and thank her for those few moments nearly a generation ago.

This story, and the other stories told on this show are perfect Hollywood scripts. Yet, they really happened. Hard to imagine that they were real world experiences, but they were. Unfortunately for us living day in and day out in the real world, it is rare that we get that chance for the reunion and big reveal like on a TV show such as this. Too many times we live our life blind; blind of the impact we make on people’s lives and the impact being made on our own.

That is why that show, and for me this post, is a reminder of the great things that can happen at any time, and with the smallest of things. A hug can change the world; it did for Patrick Anderson. Finding your special purpose and the process of trying to narrow life down to one special thing, that one special moment is difficult. But in the case of the individuals highlighted on that show, you can see the essence of what I’m hunting.

Hopefully you have been blessed with friends or family members that you have gone through life’s thick and thin with. I know I have, with several people I could name that have been there for me or made a big impact on my life. My hope is that someone – somewhere – someday making a list of people that have made an impact on their life might also mention me.

One of those friends that I would put on my list is a minister; not your typical minister but I think that is in part what I love about the guy. He is flawed like all of us, but using those flaws to help lead people to God. We are all imperfect, which is what makes us wonderful. Over the years, we have had some amazing conversations where we both express our concerns, doubts and uncertainty about our abilities as parents, as husbands and in the careers we are in. While I could never do his job, I am very envious of him and the work he does with such ease.

I am very certain that he has made definitive and last impact on this earth. Every time he does an outreach, working with area homeless or troubled youth, his fingerprints are on the present and future, and his purpose comes to life. How wonderful is that, to realize your work is making the world a better place today and into the future. And yet, he and I have had several conversations about what his purpose is in life. In his case, I do believe he was put on this earth to deliver a message to an individual who is at a moment decision in their life.His words of encouragement, wisdom and guidance spoken thoughtfully to that one person at just the perfect time of their life is why he’s here, I’m convinced. Andthe impact of that message is world changing.

There is good and bad with that opportunity. Good of course in the fact that you are doing God’s work, and changing lives and thus the world. But also bad in that you don’t know, and may never know who that individual was that you were intended to guide or the true ramifications of those changes.

There is also pressure with such a responsibility. You have to try and always be on your ‘A game’ too, since you are never sure when that special moment is going to happen. With every sermon, every ministry outreach, that special person who needs to hear your message might be waiting.  While this might be unfulfilling for some, my friend makes the most of it.

A few years ago, my career took a wonderful and totally unplanned detour. I became the publisher of the newspaper in Elkhart, Indiana. I found myself plopped down in a community where I knew absolutely no one, and a family situation that didn’t have my family joining me right away. It didn’t take long for me to get introduced to someone that I now consider one of my closest friends, and someone that I feel like I’ve know for my whole life.

He and I connect on many levels. We have a number of common interest, including a love of the baseball and the Boston Red Sox. We are both strong family oriented men, who believe in serving our community whenever possible. Yet as much as we have in common, we are very different people. Our paths to adulthood could not possibly be different. His background still fascinates me, and I love it when he tells stories about the life experiences he’s had.

Even better are the stories of the lives he’s had impact on over the years.

While my minister friend preaches to large crowds, this friend works one on one. With the smaller audience, you have a chance to sometimes measure the results of the impact he’s had on people. I’ve witnessed it first hand countless times. You cannot help but see it if you spend time in public with him. It would be odd if a young adult didn’t come up to our table at dinner to thank him for the impact he had made in their life. While every single story I heard told contained an amazing turning point where my friend helped someone make a life choice that steered them to good things, the even more amazing part to me was that he remember all their names. As a director for a not-for-profit that worked directly with at risk youths, he has dealt with thousands of kids in his career. And like that favorite teacher you had from high school who remembered your name when you came back to visit 20 years later, he remembers.

He remembered their name, often times sibling’s names and the situations that he helped them overcome to live better and more productive lives. He was able to help guide people during pivotal moments in their life. Years later, you could witness the impact as they came to thank you for just being there. For me, it is that lasting impact, that purpose that I seek. Being that conduit to life changing actions is overwhelmingly powerful when you think about it, and the impact that happens for a individual. But the best part of that power, that purpose is that his impact reverberates to generations to come. That’s a real purpose in life; so powerful that you can see the positive ramifications that extend well beyond your own life.

I’ve said it more than once, that when I grow up I want to be like him. Fun loving, doing great things yet humble, and all the while making decisions that personifypassion and purpose in life. If you ask him how he’s doing, he’ll tell you he has “more blessings than challenges.” Even in my darkest moments, his words remind me that I too have more blessings than challenges. One of those big blessings is a big guy with only a little hair and Boston accent.

It is so easy to forget how blessed we are in life, no matter our life’s circumstances. Our vision is cloudy because of the perceived stresses of life, of work, of family and of our own often unrealistic view of what life should be. In the 1990’s movie “City Slickers” starring Billy Crystal and Jack Palance, Crystal’s character and his buddies head to a dude-ranch to work out their mid-life crisis. Crystal,donning his New York Mets hat, gets deeply philosophical with a cowboy ranch hand named Curly, played by Palance. Curly, while speaking to Mitch, could have been speaking to me when he said, “You city folks worry about a lot of shit.” And we do. And I do.

Searching for a deeper meaning, the secret of life is what the movie “City Slickers” is all about. While the movie didn’t solve things for anyone, it does provide perspective. As Curly pointed out to Mitch, the secret of life is found in that “one thing.” That one thing is different for each of us, and as Curly pointed out. “That’s what you have to figure out.” And so we continue searching.

The pursuit of purpose in life isn’t as simple as that one thing as the Jack Palance character suggests. It likely is a series of things, maybe several small things. Small daily miracles, and not so miraculous interactions with people that bring joy, peace and happiness to yourself and others might be it. It is the impact we make in life, however great or small that brings about our purpose. It could be as grand as a masterpiece work of art, or as insignificant and fleeting as footprints in the sand. The true measurement of your purpose cannot be measured on this earth, I believe.

I can see the impact and purpose of others much easier than I can my own. I guess it is like trying to see your own back; try as you might but you cannot contort your body enough to get a full view. It is only through the reflection of a mirror can you get a glimpse. Purpose is that way too, best measured in the way it reflects on others.

Me personally, have I made an impact? A positive impact? I’m still searching, or more to the point still trying to live up to something worthy of such a measurement. I cannot give you a specific moment where the lights come up and the music begins to play like a Hollywood script, and I can say yes here it is! My purpose has arrived! It remains elusive.

But I think it is out there. I hope and pray it is out there, that one person or moment or whatever that I was meant to be here for. And I hope I live up to that moment or series of moments, doing what I was brought here to do when the time arrives.

As for me personally, never in a million years did I expect to be an advocate for special needs, minority adoptions. But I have. Is that my purpose? I don’t know, a cause for sure. At the end of the day, I’d like to thinkI’ve had a positive impact. I think I have had a positive impact on my son, Eric.

Have I made an impact on the lives of others the way that Thelma or Emily did on that TV show? Can I look myself in the mirror and say that I’ve made the world around me better the way that my friends Evan and Kevin have? Not sure, which is a little unfulfilling. But my search continues.

Life doesn’t sum itself up in a 60 minute show like they do on TV, and I’ll never likely know. But I believe if you live a good life, treat people right that you do fulfill that special purpose. Perhaps it isn’t named specifically by those impacted, but it hopefully shows in their heart. A monument in someone’s heart that gives to others is better than any monument made of granite and stone seen by millions.