Don’t Call My Baby Ugly - And Other Pieces Of Advise For Media Reps

 https://www.petevanbaalen.com/post/don-t-call-my-baby-ugly-and-other-pieces-of-advise-for-media-reps #sales #marketing 

I received good news this week, as a friend and former co-worker announced they were taking a new job. New jobs, any job during this downturn of the economy is a reason to celebrate. And in her case, I believe she’s moving on to a good job with a really good company, which makes it even better.

But initially, she was hesitant on pursuing the opportunity. The hesitation wasn’t about leaving her current position, the new company or shifting jobs during a pandemic. The concern was over the perception - would she still have credibility to customers because she initially had sold newspaper advertising, then television advertising and now in this new position she would be selling radio advertising.

What she thought might be considered a problem, I consider a great asset.

One of the basic principles that I’ve taught for years with media reps was to never call someone’s baby ugly. While many things have changed over the years, this is a foundational belief and it has not changed in my opinion. Though some media outlets and salespeople test this principle.

It is a basic fact, all media has strengths and weaknesses. Most media reps I encounter don’t sell me by tearing down the competition. Thank you for not calling my baby ugly - if I purchased that newspaper or station, I saw some value in it. So I appreciate you not telling me how bad my decision was. 

Rather that knocking the competition, I would prefer that you provide me facts, features and benefits about your platform and your audience to improve my business. Be my partner and win the sale by providing facts that support your product and my goals, and not tear down your competition. For instance, I had a great conversation with a radio rep recently where we were discussing ratings and audience. I had mentioned that I was looking over a few very specific audience segments. The rep didn’t get defensive, or try to improve their position by denigrating the competition. Instead - she sent me an article from an industry publication on research available to help me better perform my analysis. What a great partnership!

As for my friend, the hesitant media rep moving to radio, she has a perspective that will be extremely unique in the market and a great opportunity to be a fabulous partner to her customers. Very simply, sales is about providing solutions to problems and good feelings - nothing more and nothing less. Pretty much everything you’ve ever purchased was for one of those two reasons - the purchase solved a problem or provided a good feeling. Occasionally a purchase can do both, and what a sweet thing that is when it happens.

The perspective of having worked for and sold newspaper, TV, radio and digital marketing in the marketplace hopefully means having a working understanding of the features and benefits of all of those product lines. When you’re trying to be a partner, the more information you bring to the relationship the better partner you will be. Honest analysis of the good things a media outlet can bring is valuable. And that is true when you are doing an assessment of your own products as well as competitors. Even the strongest media platform has holes - penetration of audience, demographics or buying power. There are lots of variables, and no one outlet is tops in all areas of analysis. As a sales person, my friend will be able to use that knowledge to build even better relationships than she already has in the market, and has the potential to be the true media consultant that many advertisers want. 

On more than occasion as an advertising sales manager, when I had a rep from a competing media join the staff, I made that new employee do training. Their ability to talk about the strengths and weaknesses of their former employer and competing outlet allows them insider insight on what works and what does not. Knowing the strengths of all media available arms a media rep with all the information needed to create a better marketing mix, and to help find ways to compliment existing media buys of a customer. And you can also show how your product can solve the same problem as other channels better or more efficiently without tearing down the competitor. 

Discussion on workplace ethics - WORK ethics

https://www.petevanbaalen.com/post/discussions-on-workplace-ethics-work-ethic

Ethics are a very common subject for conversations right now. Issues that we face in this country and with our elected officials places ethics on many American’s mind. Me too, though for a few moments I’d like to talk about a different ethic - work ethic.

My father taught me many things over the years. At the top of the list of things he bestowed on me was a strong work ethic. Dad passed nearly eight years ago but the values he taught me and my siblings live on. My two brothers and sister were all very different individuals and on the surface might not appear to have have a lot in common beyond genetics. But everyone of my father’s children possessed a work ethic that has helped them greatly throughout their life and in their careers.

Work ethic to me is more than just working hard. I would characterize all of my siblings as not only hard workers, but devoted employees and possessing a positive attitude towards doing the job. Those are all critical attributes that I think nearly every employer would say were important traits to look for in good employees.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have had some great jobs in my career, including the one I have now. Going to work has rarely been a chore, and once I was there I always poured my heart into the job. Except for one job.

Late summer 1985, I made the decision late to go to college at Butler University in Indianapolis. In high school and immediately after, I was the sports editor for two weekly newspapers. While my friends were paying to go to sporting events, I was getting paid to go and had better seats. But I was giving that up to head to college, and I needed a job.

McDonalds was hiring. Not a lot of other places were, so I swallowed my pride and said yes. I said yes to smelling like grease after work. I said yes to that nasty brown uniform I had to wear. I said yes to mindless work, leaving behind a much more enviable position.

To this day, it is the only position I didn’t give the effort I should have. I was killing time and making a paycheck. Looking back, I can’t believe how poor my attitude was. For instance, I would stand by the time clock and wait until it was about to click over to next minute before I clocked in. I wasn’t about to give them the full minute if I could avoid it. I did the minimum, I’m not too proud to say.

They started me on the Quarter Pounder grill. The plan was to advance, once I master that to make Cheeseburgers and Hamburgers and then the coveted grill, the Big Mac grill. My enthusiasm for the position was so bad, my desire to learn and my willingness to do the job as well as I could wasn’t there. This next fact is not on my resume, is not a part of my LinkedIN profile but still baggage I carry with me still today. I never advanced far enough to make Big Macs. Shameful, I know.

My father would not have been proud of how I handled that job. I feel like I’ve redeemed myself in the years since, not only in my actions but by also instilling a strong work ethic in my son. My son has a different set of obstacles to overcome in his life. School was never easy and my wife and I weren’t sure how well work would go for him. After high school he was placed in a vocational training program, where they were teaching young men and women how to be good employees. In the workplace in this program, he seemed to thrive.

At graduation day for the program, they went around and ask the individuals something that they learned in the program that would help them become a good employee someday. His response, “If you can’t be on time, be early.” I had to laugh at the statement, one that he’d heard a thousand times prior to this program. I think he truly learned the meaning of that statement through the program, and it has stayed with him through the years.

For him, it is a statement that shows he is serious about his job, and he understands that the company and co-workers are expecting you to show up, on time and do your work. What I’ve seen with my son is something that I happening to people everywhere. Prior to getting his training, he didn’t have a purpose. He was adrift, searching for something with meaning. Like a duck to water, he was able to take the work ethic he was taught and put it to use suddenly he had purpose.

No one handed it to him. He had to figure it out himself. My son had the right attitude and right approach for work. While I’d like to think I helped teach him this, I can honestly say he did better with his attitude for his first job than I did. And as bad as I felt making Quarter Pounders was, my son did a variety of tasks from making sandwiches to cleaning toilets. I had the better job, but he had the better attitude.

I just finished the biography of Charlie Daniels. Daniels’ passed away recently, and I stumbled across an interview of him on satellite radio reviewing his career and discussing his book, “Never Look at the Empty Seats: A Memoir by Charlie Daniels." I regret not reading his book earlier or watching more interviews by Charlie. He truly had an amazing life, and had a view on life that I very much relate to nowadays.

In the book, Charlie tells the history of his music, the life he led and his approach to life and to the music business. And while he offered advise on how to succeed in the music business, the passages that I highlighted would be solid advice no matter what field of work you desire.

The man who had a little attitude while he played the fiddle had a pretty good outlook on the importance of a good attitude:

“If you truly want to make something special out of your life, start with your attitude. If you’re going to be bitter, hostile, uncooperative, and disinterested, you can forget it. Nobody wants that kind of employee.”

While I never had the chance to meet Charlie Daniels or see him in concert, I know people who did. Charlie was definitely a special individual, and made a point of making anyone that came in contact with him feel special too. One story I’ve heard about Daniels was before a concert in Goshen, Indiana several years ago. He welcomed a group of Boys and Girls Club members backstage and despite the urging of many people for him to quickly say hi and move on to this group of kids he didn’t. He refused. Daniels asked them their names and then called them by name. He talked about life lessons and gave those kids a brush with fame that they will never forget. He was the ultimate professional and acted like one too.

“The attitude that is going to get you noticed, valued, and therefore rewarded is to take the job you’re doing seriously, no matter what it is, no matter how humble or seemingly unimportant. With the right attitude, you can use it as a launching point, a stepping stone to better things. Here’s how: If you can’t get what you want, take what you can get and make what you want out of it. Why do some things cost more than others? It’s based on their value. Some things are just more valuable than others. It’s the same thing with employees.”

One of the things that has been weighing on my mind lately is that value of hard work, of having a good (or dare I say it, a great) attitude towards work. Current politics have devalued the value of work, the purpose one gets from hard work. This is evident right now with the recent completion of federal government payments of $600 per week for people who are unemployed, which is in addition to the payments from states. I’m all for helping people who need help, especially now during very trying times amid Covid-19. As I type this, politicians are debating an extension of those payments - while I have had numerous conversations with business owners, friends and unemployed employees who have told me that they are waiting to go back to work once the $600 payments are over. The feeling of earning a paycheck for a hard days work, the purpose derived from being a part of a team and working hard is being replaced by a government check, and I feel sorry for those that are embracing this approach.

“If you claim to be a professional, act like one.”

I only wish that 18 year old Pete had read those passages when I was starting my job at the Golden Arches. Maybe, just maybe then I could have advanced to make Big Macs.

“It all comes down to, if you want to make something out of yourself, make yourself valuable to somebody. Your rewards will be in direct proportion to your value.”

Leadership lessons from Captain Tom Hanks

https://www.petevanbaalen.com/post/leadership-lessons-from-captain-tom-hanks

Today must be a Tom Hanks kind of day, I’ve come to the conclusion. I start my morning off most days reading at least two newspapers to catch up on what is happening in the world. In one of those newspapers, they always highlight a celebrity birthday - and today, July 9 is Tom Hanks’ birthday.

When I read that, I paused to think about his age. Actually, no offense Tom, I thought he was older. He’s 64, and I was doing the math and was surprised that Tom and I are only separated by a decade in age. Maybe I thought I was older? - that could explain it too.

On to the next newspaper, and a full feature story on Tom. No mention of his birthday, shame on you Wall Street Journal, but a quick read on the lessons learned from various Tom Hanks characters over the years. Tom Hanks Is Officially America’s Captain by Don Steinberg chronicles all of the movies featuring Hanks as a captain and the lessons learned.

From Apollo 11 and Sully, to Saving Private Ryan and his latest role in Greyhound which debuts on Apple + on Friday, Hanks has made a career by providing leadership advice through his movie roles. It’s a quick read and a pleasant way to celebrate Tom’s birthday today.

Tough And Competent Leadership To Help Solve Problems

https://www.petevanbaalen.com/post/tough-and-competent-leadership-to-help-solve-problems

Is it wrong to have a man-crush on an 86 year old dude? Well, if loving Gene Kranz is wrong, then I guess I don’t want to be right.

Gene Kranz is an American legend, though I’d bet there is a good chance you don’t know who he is. Kranz is associated with the quote, “Failure is not an option” made famous in the movie Apollo 13. This is a noble motto and one that I have utter on more than one occasion to teams facing difficult times. Yet he didn’t actually utter that now famous phrase.

“Failure is not an option” was the tagline for the movie Apollo 13 which chronicled the work of Kranz, astronauts Jim Lovell, Jack Sweigert and Fred Haise along with all of Mission Control during that failed trip to the moon in April of 1970. That now famous declaration became the title of Gene Kranz’s book which I believe is the best single history book on our Space Race with the Russians, Failure Is Not an Option: Mission Control From Mercury to Apollo 13 and Beyond.

It was just recently that I found out Kranz did not utter that phrase; a phrase that I have attributed to him 100+ times over the years. “Failure is not an option” is only part of the mystique that is Gene Kranz. But another phrase that he did say is equally as good in my opinion, and something that I have been thinking about a lot lately.

The BBC is in the middle of their second chapter of the podcast 13 Minutes To The Moon. Chapter one, which gave the podcast its name was about the final 13 minutes of Apollo 11’s trip to the lunar surface in 1969. Chapter two dives deep into the mission dubbed NASA’s most successful failure, Apollo 13.

BBC producers have gained access to people and resources associated with these missions to tell a very familiar story in a much different way, and it is as riveting listening today as I imagine it was as it happened 50 years ago. During a critical moment of the Apollo 13 mission, chaos filled Mission Control as the scientists and engineers realize they had only minutes to act to save the crew. Kranz’s voice booms through actual recordings from Mission Control used to help narrate the podcast. He instructs his team, “Solve the problem, but don’t make it worse by guessing.”

What a moment of clarity during a hectic situation for this leader to impart on his team.

With all that was swirling around Kranz’s team, he was able to give them clear guidance and I think something they could easily grasp during an unthinkable situation filled with tension and stress. Solving the problem, that was clearly the objective. Not guessing brought about parameters for solving the problem. As every second passed by, there were thousands of what if scenarios that they could get caught up trying to chase. But bysticking to facts and what they knew, the scope of the work became clearly defined.

As leaders, we need to make sure we are providing guidance to help the team with clarity, so they know their objective and the expected scope of the work they are to perform. The team has to perform within those guidelines, which they thankfully did just over 50 years ago.

The words he spoke were incredibly important, but so was the way he spoke them. Hollywood tends to over dramatize things, and a simple transcript of the Mission Control conversations does not give us any indication about his tone.

Kranz is hardcore military, with his signature buzz cut and Air Force background. Yet one of the characteristics of Kranz throughout the years was the confidence and trust he put in his team. His team, made up of largely 20 something ‘kids’ that for many was their first job out of college. His statement to solve the problem and not guess has a tone of confidence for his team while also being very nurturing.

While he was very nurturing, that is not to say that Kranz couldn’t also be tough. That might be one of the toughest things for a manager, especially one with limited experiences. Finding the balance between nurturing and toughness / accountability.

At the Kentucky Derby, the field of horses actually pass in front of the grandstands twice during the race. At the start, you’ll watch a skillful jockey position his horse to save energy and get comfortable as they pass by the grandstands for the first time. This, by its nature is a very nurturing approach. As the race progresses along the back stretch, you’ll see the jockey start to coax more out of his ride as they head into the turns. As the reach the main straight away and push for the finish, it is then that you’ll see the jockey use his whip to help spur on performance at this critical point as they race to the end.

The jockey has coached his horse, placing it in the best position to win the race at the end. Going to the whip for the end is his or her attempt to maximize the effort and results. The entire trip around the track is an illustration of coaching and accountability. Like a jockey that starts with the whip too early, a manager that yells at his staff too frequently rarely gets the maximum output. The balance is off, and the output is less than ideal. If you go to the whip too early, it quickly turns into you just beating the horse with no motivational value. And the same is true with yelling at your employees.

Kranz was a master at this balance. Years before Neil Armstrong successfully stepped foot on the moon, NASA was faced with the biggest disaster of the space race, Apollo 1. In January 1967, Mission Control and the nation mourned the loss of astronauts Gus Grissom, Ed White, and Roger Chaffee as their space craft engulfed in fire during a test on the launch pad. Kranz’s speech to engineers and scientists at Mission Control, dubbed “The Kranz Dictum” is a moving speech, mournful yet motivating.

Spaceflight will never tolerate carelessness, incapacity, and neglect. Somewhere, somehow, we screwed up. It could have been in design, build, or test. Whatever it was, we should have caught it. We were too gung ho about the schedule and we locked out all of the problems we saw each day in our work. Every element of the program was in trouble and so were we. The simulators were not working, Mission Control was behind in virtually every area, and the flight and test procedures changed daily. Nothing we did had any shelf life. Not one of us stood up and said, "Dammit, stop!" I don't know what Thompson's committee will find as the cause, but I know what I find. We are the cause! We were not ready! We did not do our job. We were rolling the dice, hoping that things would come together by launch day, when in our hearts we knew it would take a miracle. We were pushing the schedule and betting that the Cape would slip before we did.

From this day forward, Flight Control will be known by two words: "Tough" and "Competent". Tough means we are forever accountable for what we do or what we fail to do. We will never again compromise our responsibilities. Every time we walk into Mission Control we will know what we stand for. Competent means we will never take anything for granted. We will never be found short in our knowledge and in our skills. Mission Control will be perfect. When you leave this meeting today you will go to your office and the first thing you will do there is to write "Tough and Competent" on your blackboards. It will never be erased. Each day when you enter the room these words will remind you of the price paid by Grissom, White, and Chaffee. These words are the price of admission to the ranks of Mission Control.

That speech makes me want to crash through brick walls to find success for my project. Being “Tough and Competent” as a team member or a leader is a key to success for spaceflight, sales or whatever your endeavor. Tough on yourself and peers means staying accountable for your actions and the actions of your team. Competent means staying true to the facts and the pursuit of all the facts necessary to complete the task. It also means diving down into the details to make sure every detail is completed and completed correctly.

During trying times, people look for leadership. There is an overload of stress in people’s lives right now as we fight through this pandemic and the fear it has created. Then on top of that, many people around the world are facing unprecedented financial issues because of a sudden loss of income which has resulted from our world economy shutting down. As leaders, as human beings it is our time to help people start to solve their problems / our problems even in the midst of the physical and financial chaos. Be tough, be competent, solve the challenges faced and bring the ship safely home.

In any crisis, true leadership rises up. Throughout history, individuals and examples of true leadership during difficult times are plentiful. Now is our time to shine. Now is your time.

Rise up and shine on.

The funeral challenge - what do you want said at your funeral

https://www.petevanbaalen.com/post/the-funeral-challenge-what-do-you-want-said-at-your-funeral

There are all kinds of silly internet challenges that happen seemingly every week. From the Tide Pod Challenge to the Mannequin Challenge, there are countless ways to numb your brain and have absolutely nothing tangible or important as a result from it once complete; assuming of course you don’t kill yourself doing it.

But here is a challenge for you to sink your teeth into: what do you want said at your funeral from various people in your life. Breaking it down into five segments, think deep and decide what you would like said about you from:

1. Your parents / family

2. Your spouse / significant other

3. Your child

4. A co-worker

5. A friend

With all that seems to be happening in the world, now might be a good time to assess things, especially your life and what you’re doing to help improve all mankind. I’ve heard it in numerous songs, lectures and bar conversations over the years, but the basic philosophy of leaving this earth in better shape than it was when I joined it has always made sense to me, and something that I’m trying to make happen.

I think now is a good time for all of us to find some extra inspiration. You never know where inspiration will hit you, and for me that was certainly the case with this challenge. For me, it was the typical Monday morning meeting. Luckily for me I don’t work for a typical company, so even the Monday meeting is intentional in its goal to help all in attendance be better managers, better leaders and better people.

My work and the company I work for challenge me. That isn’t unique, as I can say that all of my past career positions have had their challenges. The difference is that along with challenging me professionally, I’m also being encouraged by my company to grow and to get better personally. That’s where my inspiration came from today.

To be clear, this is not a reaction to the crazy things happening in the world. In fact, my exposure to this video clip happened weeks before the world was suddenly on lockdown, getting an overdose of all things Covid-19 and all the socio-economic impact that it has caused and will cause in everyone’s life. Quite the opposite in that for me this has been source of comfort in the midst of chaos as I search for comfort and deeper meaning in life right now.

So before I work through the list of funeral messages, here is some background on challenge. The inspiration for this exercise came from Andy Stanley, a speaker at the Leadercast meeting in 2018. Stanley was preaching, he happens to be a minister, about the importance of leading yourself well. https://youtu.be/7XqxdsCQh7Q. His speech was titled “Leading Yourself Well”. He talk walked you through what he considered to be the three basics of self-leadership statements.

1. I will not lie to myself, even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself.

How’s that for a statement when you look in the mirror? We lie to ourselves everyday, probably several times a day. When we start to peel away those lies and look into who we really are, we have to admit to ourselves that we are responsible for every decision we make in our lives. Of course, we gladly accept that when it comes to the good ones. But as you look in the mirror and review your life, you have to take responsibility for the bad ones too. I have participated in every bad decision I have ever made. And let me tell you, I’ve made some big ones!

2. I will prioritize what I value most over what I want now.

We say we value family and friends most, but so often our actions fail to align with that proclamation. I’m as guilty as anyone with this, and something that I am trying to change in my life right now. Stanley shared another phrase with this point that I’ve repeated to myself dozens of times already as I’m faced with temptation; for food, to make a purchase and more in my life.

“What you want now is rarely what you value most.”

I want a pizza. Now. But I value financial security and would like to be healthier. Financially, I don’t need to get food from a restaurant while I have a kitchen full of items that I can eat. Heck I could probably whip up a pizza with the ingredients that I have already purchased. Spending additional money to get pizza from a restaurant isn’t in alignment with what I value most. I value financial security. I also am trying value a healthier lifestyle. I’m much better off eating a salad or some lean meat instead of the carb filled, cheese filled and greasy pizza. But damn I want a pizza right now.

Slowly, I am trying to change the way my brain thinks to remember the long term goal vs. the immediate, impulse decision. Far from 100% successful, I’m trying to pause and have a discussion with myself and I encourage you to consider doing the same. When you are faced with a decision, from making a buying decision to a meal choice or anything in between, ask yourself: is this what I value most, or what I want right now? The more often you decide based on what you value instead of the impulsive of what you want immediately, the more rewarding your life will be.

And there will still be time for pizza.

3. I will not attempt to lead myself by myself.

Straightforward statement I realize, but wasn’t his topic “Self Leadership”? Yes it was, but in reality you cannot go it alone. Humans were not meant to be alone. There was a recent study done that showed a direct correlation between happiness and living longer and not feeling alone.

Everyone should have a mentor that you can reach out to for advice, guidance and reassurance. Everyone should have a peer group that they can also share ideas with and grow professionally. And I’m a strong believer in everyone having a work friend that you can call and vent to, talk with without judgement and confide in. My ‘work-wife’ is several miles away, in a different industry but totally gets me and my personality. We speak nearly every work day to catch up on life, vent, ask questions and be that support that we both need for each other. You cannot lead yourself by yourself.

To be the ideal person we want to be is a lofty goal, and frankly one that will never been perfectly obtained. Even the best of us will still have moments that show off the worst of us. I think the objective is to realize this desire more clearly, and to minimize those moments that show off our ugly side.

We all have different sides of our personality, pending on the aspect of our life we are focused on at any given moment. And that is where the funeral challenge provides the opportunity to help us improve ourselves in all aspects of our life. By shining a light on what for many people would say are the five biggest segments of their life, we can start aspiring to be the person we value most for each of those segments.

This is not what I expect to be said at my funeral. Unfortunately I have way too much work ahead of me to expect these words utter about me at this point. Rather, it is what I aspire that people might say in hopefully many, MANY years from now at my funeral, if I’ve lived the life I’ve wanted to lead.

Your parents / family

Both of my parents have passed along with one of my three siblings. My hope is that they would tell those gathered that I displayed my value of family boldly. Being with family, talking with them and sharing all of my emotions was a natural thing for me. I displayed my love for family by being there for them when they needed help, needed someone to talk with, laugh with, share a beer with or just watch a sunset. And when there was discord within the family, unfortunately it hasn’t all been smooth, I was smart enough to rethink my position and find the common ground to bring family back together.

Your spouse / significant other

Even though this is the second segment of the challenge, it is the last one I’m writing because it is by far the most difficult for me to think about and write. I only wish the rest of the world was as lucky as I am to have found as perfect of a life partner as I have been blessed with. I only wish I was as half as good of a partner for her as she has been for me.

We’ve been married 30+ years, and dated an additional 7 years beyond that. While I maybe didn’t get to experience much of the wonderful world of dating as others, it was an easy trade off for me. With her by my side, we have experienced more than anyone could have imagined in their wildest dreams, with hopefully much more still ahead of us. Not all the experiences were champagne, caviar, million dollar sunsets and happiness. But one of the lessons I’ve learned in life is that the bumps along the way help us to appreciate the good times in life that much more.

My spouse understands me like no other person on this earth. Much like the symbolism that I’ve seen at countless weddings including my own throughout the years, two separate candles are used to light the unity candle to create one candle that burns bright for both our lives. Since these words would be spoke at my funeral, I would want her to feel and express more joy than sadness. We have been blessed beyond what we could have ever expected. And while part of that candle’s flame is gone, the candle keeps burning. The two of us have become one, and the memories and joy from our life together still survives.

If you follow me on Facebook, you have no doubt seen us check in at various events, concerts, sporting events and vacations over the years. This has been very intentional; not to brag or show off but to provide a tangible memory of the blessings we’ve experienced in life. It started as a way to remind our son of the great things he’s been able to be a part of, because with his disabilities often times his brain will trick him into only remembering the negative things. We have been intentional in creating positive memories that will live on and all of us can reflect on in the years to come. As a family, we have been intentional in making memories. These memories, and my wife specifically has brought so much joy to my life. I hope that is the case for my wife as well, and that will be the focus of her words at my funeral.

Your child

Like the segment on what would be said by my spouse, coming up with the words I’d like to hear spoke at my funeral from my son is very difficult for me. It is very hard to even think about this, let alone come up with something meaningful. For me as I was growing up, having a family and being a father was not a goal or even in my plans. Yes it would happen, but I didn’t think much about it, let alone believe it would have such an impact on my being. Like so many things in my younger days, I was wrong.

We adopted our son when he was two days old. I was 30 years old at the time and it seemed like everything I had wanted in life was laying out just like I had planned. My life was filled with good fortune and happiness. I didn’t realize how much was missing in my life by not having a kid. That instantly changed, and made me a much better person as a result.

At the time we didn’t realize that we were adopting a special needs child. Because of his needs and our resources, I do believe we were positioned to take care of him in ways that made us destined for us to be in each other’s lives. Many times over the years friends have commented to me or my wife about how fortunate our son is that we came along and adopted him. And while that is true to some extent, he has helped me infinitely more than I have ever helped him. I am a better person, have more patience, am more giving and feel complete for having him in my life.

I hope my son realizes this. He is very aware of his disabilities and at times the impact they have made on our family. For all the negative impact that they have made, I would say without hesitation that the total measure of them is minimal compared with the positives of having him in our lives. For the past nearly 23 years, having him in my life has shaped me and prepared me to be a better person and how to face difficulty. And along the way, I hope that he would say that I have prepared him.

Our job as parents is to prepare our children for the future to face difficult situations. For most parents that means preparing their child to be an adult and potentially having kids of their own. For the parent of a special needs child, it means preparing them for life without you. Of all the segments here, this is the one that I have the most work to do in the days ahead of me.

A co-worker

I worked for a lady that later in our careers I ended up managing her had never heard the term “Servant Leader” before I introduced it to her. Granted she was from a different generation and era, but even late in her career she refused to adapted. Reviewing her approach as I matured as a manager, I learned two big lessons that I hope my co-workers would mention at my funeral. I would like that they would say that I was a true servant leader with them, and that when needed I adapted to how life and business changes and evolves.

I’ve been a manager for the past 20+ years, working with a wide variety of personalities. To be the effective co-worker and manager that I want to be, I’ve had to adapt. Basic rules for being a manager do not change from person to person, but how you communicate and work with those people is very different. It is different with a man vs. a woman as well as by generations. The goal is the same - to make sure they feel appreciated, valued and a integral part of the team being built. I hope my co-workers will say they appreciated my approach and how I made them feel valued, their opinions heard and that I helped them to be the best person they could be at work. And hopefully some of that spilled over and I helped them be the best version of themselves that they could be away from work too.

All of that is accomplished by being a good servant leader. My co-workers would hopefully say that I put the needs of my employees first and helped develop them so they would be successful working with me and anywhere their career took them. As a manager, I only bring value to the organization I work for if I’m creating value in the lives of staff.

After being a sales manager for several years, I was promoted to run an entire business unit. It was my first newspaper where I was the publisher, making all of the decisions. My boss greeted me on one of my first days on the new job and declared, “Congratulations on the new job. You are now officially overhead.” Prior to that I produced things with my job; sales, content, etc. But as he reminded me, I had no direct output whatsoever. From that day forward, I have tried to make a priority of bringing value to my team in a meaningful way that I hope they would mention when speaking of me.

A friend

Probably I first saw it on a greeting card or a social media post, but I do recall the saying that friends are the family you get to pick. Your family is your family, and for the most part you don’t get much say in the membership. But friends are a collection of special people you earn over a lifetime. I have a great collection of friends from over the years. My collection of friends runs a very broad spectrum of personalities, all of which fit nicely together to create my personal network. Some I talk with nearly every day, while others only a hand full of times a year. But they are all special to me, and I would hope that I’ve done a good enough job that they would say I was special to them too. Good friends come across a wide spectrum of personalities, and that allows me to share a wide spectrum of experiences with them. A few tears, and a bunch of laughter are the gifts we give our friends. I have shared those gifts freely with friends, and have been blessed to receive them in return.

It is hard to say one definitive statement that I’d want to hear from a friend. But my hope is one person would say that the next time they have a certain problem that they needed help with, they’re going to have to find someone else since I’m not around. As much as I have been given because of my friends, the biggest pleasure has come from my ability to help them out and try to improve the world around me. Much like some of my friends and mentors have helped me achieve whatever I have been able to accomplish, I want to help fill that role in my friend’s life too. Bringing the poem and recent Country Music hit by Tim McGraw to life is a great achievement for an individual with regards to his relationship with his friends:

When you get where you're goin'

Don't forget turn back around

Help the next one in line

Always stay humble and kind

My aspiration today is that when friends are at my funeral, they say that I embraced those few lines and helped to make a difference in their lives.

So there you have it. The funeral challenge and how we can and should be working every day to improve our lives and the lives of those around us. If you have taken this to heart in any way, I would love to hear about it. If you’ve taken the challenge, even if only in your mind that is great. Let me know. And if you’ve taken the intention approach of writing them down, please let me know if you like. I would love to hear about what you aspire to be.